If you want to be a dog and piss everywhere do it but TELL ME.

September 6, 2013 § 9 Comments

I got this email from another girl who also wants to remain anonymous. (The second break up email sent to me by a girl to an ex) She asked me to publish it as well. Man, it seems that we hurt these girls as guys. We need to do better.

I’m so angry with myself for being so vulnerable on Friday. Being so weak, crying like a child, being so transparent. I wish that conversation had ended at the part where I called you an asshole and declared that I never want to see you again.That would be a better place than being here.

I once had the utmost respect for you. Admiration. Trust. I thought I knew you, I thought I knew you this time around. After all these years I still do not know you, this is witnessed by your actions. You have been/done the following:

1. Lied
2. Disrespected Me
3. Hurt Me
4. Disappointed Me

You did not tell me about your new ventures .Yes, so we had been in conversation about “us”, I had asked if this  sudden thought to end things was  inspired by having met someone else, and you said NO. Repeatedly .Meanwhile back at the ranch you were already  boyfriend.I asked you twice. You spoke hypothetically. Looking back I feel like a fool.  All this time painting her as a friend when you were in pursuit. You were pursuing her while you strung me along.You lied to me and deceived me. You ran me parallel with someone else!!

You have disrespected me. Spat on my face. You now have a GIRLFRIEND. What a hypocrite. It’s so sweet how you two already have pics all over Instagram and Facebook, groping one another in public..so into each other.setting up house! I despise you for this. You knew I wanted this experience with you.. 7 years of knowing one another, and 1.5 years of pouring my heart out to you and within weeks you give that to someone else. A complete stranger – I applaud you.
You knew how I felt and I thought we had a level of maturity about handling things. I trusted you with my heart, I was open to you. You have actively violated that.

If you want to be a dog and piss everywhere do it but TELL ME. Don’t come across as a good guy when all you want to do is bitch around.

The crap you feed me that she is not your gf/not dating makes me sick when the whole world can attest to you officialising things. Your girlfriend had the courage to call me in the midst of all this drama to confirm certain things. Upon that discussion I gathered that this new relationship of your was built  on a series of lies. So apparently I broke it off and I’m with someone else now leaving you heartbroken? Really? You victimised yourself to get with her? Pick up your game and try honesty next time. You lied about me to her for your own selfish gain. You care not for my honour. Makes me sick.
What we have as people is a connection I have never experienced with anyone else. You have helped me grow and I am a better woman than I was a year ago.You manage me in a way that no man has, you have compelled me to grow.I am disappointed because I have never felt this disrespected/disappointed/hurt/under appreciated/humiliated before. I cannot allow myself to have you as any part of my life

However, I stand today as a much wiser woman and I have learnt a valuable lesson. As echoed by Brenda Fassie “ umuntu ngeke umconfirme” and as well articulated by Maya Angelou “ When a person shows you who you are believe them the FIRST time.”

This is final. I want nothing to do with you. I wish you and your gf and the other chick at work and all the woman you are yet to explore the very best.I hope and pray that in your pursuit of your own selfish ways you take time to consider other peoples feelings and the hearts you break along the way.

You have not cared about me ENOUGH. You have not appreciated me ENOUGH. I am not valuable ENOUGH to you. If I was we would not be here . Its not about what you want to do but about how you did things. It’s never the right time to say goodbye but there is always the right way to say goodbye.

And you know that’s the ENTIRE point in all of this. You just had to tell me, that was all I could ever ask for. The respect to be told.

Good Luck.

§ 9 Responses to If you want to be a dog and piss everywhere do it but TELL ME.

  • Seems every girl goes through this at some stage in her life…

  • gorgeous says:

    Going through a break up. He has been ignoring for the past two weeks. I have decided to walk away. Not easy at all. Deleted his number and I know I will survive.

  • Mmabathosisj says:

    “You have not cared about me ENOUGH. You have not appreciated me ENOUGH. I am not valuable ENOUGH to you”.

    Ladies, let’s shed this victim skin we often wear. One needs to care about herself ENOUGH, appreciate herself ENOUGH, and value herself ENOUGH to not betray herself by ignoring red-flags. That doubt, that hm?! inside us is there cautioning us constantly. Unfortunately, we CHOOSE to ignore that still small voice withing. For others to care for us, to appreciate us, to value us we FIRST have to care, appreciate, and value ourselves ENOUGH to not tolerate treatment that is not deserving of our worth.

  • Helen says:

    Any person, either male or female, who treats another in this sort of disrespectful way, will eventually reap what they sow. This is the law of God and the universe. We cannot hurt others, without receiving that hurt back ourselves, sooner or later, and it will probably be repaid some times over.

    The real fool here is not the woman, for ignoring the warning signs (if indeed there were any), but the man who selfishly and heartlessly treated her like an object, someone he could mess with like a toy, play around with, humiliate and degrade. He will get his comeuppance.

    We can think of it like this: she might be crying for a time, but his judgement and crying is yet to come. I feel more sorry for him. “As ye sow, so shall ye reap.”

    It is unkind and unhelpful to say she is playing the role of victim. She IS currently the victim in this (I say currently due to the “law of karma” and what is yet to come). It hurts to love and trust someone, build up hopes and dreams and a life with them, invest time and energy, only to have them betray and deceive you in front of your eyes. Anyone who cannot see this, lacks compassion and empathy.

    Fast forward some time: she will grow stronger and find happiness with a more worthy man, God willing… but he will be in abject misery, perhaps many more times over than what he gave to her. He will taste the pain and bitterness of what he has given out and that is for sure. God does not sleep.

    • Mmabathosisj says:

      You are missing the point. Point is, if she looked back and was HONEST about with herself she will see where she had a doubt and caution but she ignored it and charged ahead in the relationship. To say there were no warning signs is to believe we do not have a gut-sense about things. Well, we do.

      It’s not about not being empathetic. To the contrary, it is being empathetic enough to help one see that we always have the CHOICE to be tricked or not to be tricked in this way. Unfortunately, we CHOOSE to continue being played and then come back to blame it ALL on the playa. Why? because it feels better to do so, than to take responsibility for our own CHOICE of having ignored the doubt, the caution, the hm? within us.

      Now, you can stew in feeling that someone else is smart enough to have managed to trick you. OR , you can CHOOSE to recognise that they are not that smart, but that you are the one who is giving them power over you….by seeing yourself as having been their toy.

      This is an empowering view of the situation. Therefore most helpful.

  • Sindi says:

    Most girls go through this for those few days you feel like absolute rubbish, you weep your way through it all and you know what, no matter how many heartbreaks you’ve experience, it ever gets easier sometimes it gets even harder because you think of how mucous an idiot it makes you that you didn’t learn your lesson the first time around. I personally have written off relationships, I don’t ever want to feel the way this woman feels again.

  • pfunzo says:

    I want say thank you to these women for speaking out, even though they choose remain anonymous. We deserve to be treated better. We deserve to be loved. And to all those who say its a choice and that you should have seen the red flags…..hindsight is always 20/20.

    • mmabathosisj says:

      Absolutely! hindsight is 20/20. This is why we who are a few steps ahead to have the benefit of hindsight owe it to our younger sisters to share invaluable wisdom gleaned from our journey. Life teaches us lessons so we are able to empower others.

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