‘Tis the season to get dumped

November 3, 2012 § Leave a comment

First appeared on my news24 column –  2010-11-16

December is the season to be jolly – if you don’t get dumped.

Sorry to break the news to you if you are in a relationship. I have some terrible, terrible news for you. Chances are, if you’re in a relationship, you’re about to be dumped. Or, if you’re the lucky one (or the cruel one), you’ll be doing the dumping.

Oh yes it happens. Tough times lie ahead ladies and gentlemen. Hearts will be broken, tears will be shed, break up sex will be had and rebound December flings will be plenty.

Brace yourselves, for the onslaught is coming. I am not suggesting that you start doing unto them before they do unto you when you don’t even know if they will in fact do unto you anyway. I am not suggesting a pre-emptive break up. Don’t be paranoid and do something stupid, unless of course you’ve already planned to break up. In that case, you are not alone, as Michael Jackson once sang.

According to a study conducted by David McCandless on Facebook, most break ups peak a couple of weeks before December, then an avalanche of further break ups happen two weeks before Christmas. The study was conducted by monitoring some 10 000 Facebook status updates with the phrases, “broken up” or “breaking up”.  Here is a graph to prove it.

And here’s another interesting nugget: the day break ups commonly taken place is that day you love to hate so much – Monday. Now you know why you hate Monday. One of the reasons I’m guessing this happens on a Monday is probably because, well, stuff happens on weekends; fights, drunkenness, neglected boyfriends and girlfriends and so on. But if Monday ends without your being dumped, breathe a sigh of relief because you will live to see another Monday.

The question is why do break ups start picking up pace just a few weeks before December and then pick up even more speed two weeks before Christmas. I think this is pretty simple. People want to have guilt free flings (read sex) in December with that person they have been eyeing for some time.

This period of carefree living is upon us ladies and gentlemen and you might be a victim. I just thought that it is my duty to warn you in case you become a victim. I suggest you steel yourself and get ready.

The lowest day for break ups during the whole year is Christmas day. So, if you survive until Christmas, you’re safe because break ups pick up ever so slightly after Christmas, probably because everyone is so broke by then and they all come to their senses.

Maybe December isn’t just a season to break up, maybe ‘tis the season to be loose. Just as people are with their money, they are loose with their relationships too. Then comes January. People are broke, a long month filled with much brokenness and soul searching.

November is like Thursday, everyone’s looking forward to the weekend, December. And January is like one long Monday. Just remember that in all you do this coming festive season.

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