Hot, successful, female and single*

June 25, 2012 § 10 Comments

*originally appeared on my column on 2010-10-26 09:55

There are a lot of hot women in their 20s and early 30s out there. And they are not just hot. They are hot, smart and have great jobs. Many of them are the most conscientious people I have ever met. Yet they are single. Why is it that these incredible women can’t get a break with love? This has puzzled me a great deal. Why is it that when they have everything going for them, the most important thing – love – isn’t going for them? The conclusion many have come to is that intelligence and success intimidates men. Perhaps.

I believe that is a simplistic conclusion to say that men are just intimidated by these successful women. Even if it is true. What a lot of people haven’t considered is that although social structures have changed rapidly, our natural and evolutionary nature hasn’t changed. Just a generation ago, our fathers were the dominant ones; they were running things and women, sadly, played second fiddle. This is what men are used to. It will take a while before we get used to it. The CEO of Coca-Cola said recently that this century is going to be the century of the woman. Perhaps men ought to brace themselves for this.

I was talking to a couple of females over the weekend and they were complaining about the lack of men who will man up. “We are hot yet we don’t find men.” This seems especially prevalent in the black female population. I am aware that this phenomenon isn’t just a black one; it’s something that seems to affect women of all races. In fact, a recent study in the United States showed that young women are earning more than their young male counterparts.

Here comes the more interesting part, the Cornell University study also said that women who earn more than their men are more likely to be cheated on. The study also showed that men who were totally dependent on their wives’ incomes were five times more likely to cheat than those who contributed the same amount. Hang on ladies before you think you should get a man with a lot of money. The study also showed that men who made a lot more money than their spouses were also more likely to cheat. The study says that non-earning men cheat because they are unhappy, higher earning men cheat because they can.

Men, as everyone knows, are meant to be the hunters; bringing home the bacon; the bread winners. Now that things aren’t the same anymore, these young men feel powerless. Maybe it’s time people came to realise that society is changing. Money does not make a man. If money defines a man then he completely misunderstands what being a man means.

Maybe these young women also have higher standards. In the past, women would settle for a man simply because he could provide even though he may not have been the man they would have chosen to settle down with. Now they don’t need him for financial security. Men are confused. They don’t know what their roles are anymore.

Young women are looking for men who are at least as intelligent and as successful as they are. However, that pool of men is getting smaller and smaller because a greater chunk of women are replacing them. As a study in the United States indicates, the reason young women are starting to earn more is because of education. More women are starting to graduate than men. For every two guys who graduate from university, three women do.

But then again, since women have raised the bar when it comes to the kind of men they want, it has become increasingly difficult for them to find a man that fits the new high standard. Men feel pressured, so they avoid women they think they are competing against. They feel they are competing with them at work, now they have to compete with them as girlfriends too. So they just lay back and look for non-threatening women. As long as men see strong women as a threat, these strong women will remain single.

Strong women make for a better society. I love nothing more than a strong woman. There is nothing sexier than a smart and strong woman. Strong women make us better; they make us stronger as men.

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§ 10 Responses to Hot, successful, female and single*

  • sammyg14 says:

    Reblogged this on sammyg14 and commented:
    I would have loved to see results or research reflecting the South African woman because we are still a few steps behind 1st world countries like America, BUt the moral of this article stays true for all of us. I’m not successful in the standards of the world yet, But I am getting there. I will not fear being alone though. The forces of love will find me.

  • Sithembiso Malusi Mahlaba says:

    Khaya, thanks for the article, though one would wonder as to what are definitions of intelligent and successful in this case. I personally, often meet these educated,working females, I don’t know whether they are intelligent and succesful, that will depend on various definitions of such terms. One thing, I have noticed,is that these working, female graduates, often keep their car keys at hand, as if to “gun point” any one around, to show how “powerful,successful” their are, at the same time having their big bags, including purses inside, they can’t keep their car keys in those bags, its a really turn off to me, I don’t accost such female at all, wouldn’t even want to get close to her. As much as material like cars etc, make life convenient, it won’t ever replace my personality or character. So everybody is an individual brand, so I am expecting any one with common sense let alone intellect, to know better, when coming to issues of love affairs, materialism kills passion. And in general, we shouldn’t just confine success to one-dimension, of which can be anything, that matters to that individual, whereas life itself is multifaceted, or multi-dimensional thing, with all areas needing attention and balance striking in respective aspects to lead life in harmony,because one aspect neglected, will make life less or more miserable, in spite of material success and such.

  • Lungile Nkosi says:

    This is indeed a struggles because a sexy, smart, successfull and smart woman still loves, cares and nurtures just as hard! We haven’t changed just enhanced what was aready there.

  • Lesego says:

    Besides the obvious – that the blog is beyond interesting, true and insightful – it is well written. I love the way you write.

  • I enjoyed reading this, and, from a man. I concur with your sentiments and while healthy competition revs some of our motors, domesticity/matrimony are areas that does not take well to such. I personally had to learn to give over the long distance driving, the DIY jobs around the house, the carving of the turkey, opening a new jar of pickles, changing of the spare tyre to him. Show him that I need him and that he has a place in my life – i mean i enjoyed the freedom of BEING ABLE to do these things when it was just me, as I detest “damsel in distress” type of situations (owing to being raised by a ‘Momager’). Now that hubby is in my life, I revel in the softness of being woman. Besides, the point to relationships is working together, complementing each other’s efforts, two pieces of ONE puzzle. Downplaying your strenghts when it matters does not mean you dont have them. Or that you will lose them. Its that “quiet boldness” that’s a winner!

  • Zinch says:

    Hi Khaya

    Thank you for your srticle… quite sobering.

    But as we are all quite aware, we cannot control the actions of others, only our own reactions.

    What can we do to ensure that we do ‘have it all’, that is, love, hapiness, secular success and ovewrall contentment?

    I am 22 and well on my way to fitting your description of a a’Hot, succesful female’, problem is… I’m still ‘single’.

    I worry

  • Dadawele Dahdhar Gigi says:

    hey! My pastor once said affirmitive action must be left at the door and our job titles.because woman these days are successful and it is scary for brothers out there.

  • TC says:

    Hey,great post. As a brother who is equally hot and successful I can tell you from experience that we love the challenge of a sister just as accomplished. However we don’t want a rival or competitor in the relationship. Only one of us can be the man in the relationship. The problem arises when hot, successful sisters don’t realise this and try to “man up”, to use the term loosely. When this happens, brothers divert their interest- usually to a woman who makes them look and feel like a man.

  • socialloveaffair says:

    Reblogged this on Socialloveaffair's Blog and commented:
    I guess if a hot, successful, single woman wants to get partnered up, she has 2 options: either dumb herself down or get herself a Ben10

  • MissWM says:

    Its a jungle,truth of the matter is most African man struggle to deal with a hot,successful single sister,too much peer pressure & insecurities,on the other hand its difficult for sisters to dump themselves ,understaste their success so as to fit in with a guy and be accepted in a relationship,we dont mind dating a guy who is less succesful or with a lesser paying job,its the guys who cant handle it.

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